Sunday, April 27, 2014


Have you ever heard the word "BONNOU"? It is one of Buddhism words. I'm not a Buddhist, but I'm Japanese, so I'm surrounded by lots of Buddhism things naturally. So for me BONNOU is a popular word, and "we" (it means most of Japanese" sometimes say that we are harassed by earthly desires. ( According a dictionary, BONNOU is earthly desires in English.)

I read an interesting book about BONNOU.
The writer, who is a monk, said to release your BONNOU

1. not to seek a deep contact with people surround you, including your family.
2 not to be irritated about yourself. If you are irritated, try to think about what makes you irritated.
3.not excuse yourself
4, no pressure, be patient.
5.not compare with something.

I know everything is difficult. But what is the most difficult thing for you?
For me, I tend to seek a deep contact with people, because I don't like feeling lonely.

My brother who is now 50, came back to my mother's house, and he has started to live with her. (Because he divorced.) I don't care about my brother's divorce. But my mother , who is now 78, sounds very happy though she says "I'm busy in cooking."
Probably she had been living with her loneliness. even though her second son's family lives next to door. Her husband died 35 years old at that time he was 53.  I think she has started the second life with her son. (Actually both of them have lots of things in common, for example, they are nervous, and they are stubborn, and --- Oh, sorry I'm not good at saying good things for my father and my brother.)


Anonymous said...

Just a small correction...I think you meant..."she is starting a second life with her son (not husband.)
Maybe this will give her energy, more to look forward to each day...a purpose in her life. Many single people (women especially) find the same with their grandchildren and literally "take over" the raising of them because there are so many single mothers and working mothers here in the USA.
It's a very fine line between "helping"and "dominating" and becoming what we call "enablers." (that means allowing the people you are helping to avoid responsibility for their own actions) Jan

Mieko said...

Thanks for your comments, Jan.
What she said to me was killed my heart, though it was exaggerate. She said to Yuki "I finally could have a family again."
I thought she seemed to be free from her husband because my father was really difficult to deal with from our children eyes. But doing something for someone seems to be better for her than to be alone until now.