Good morning 0506

 It is the last day of this five-day weekend.

Yesterday, our younger daughter M and our granddaughter A came to visit. Unfortunately, YUKI wasn’t as energetic as usual, so the three of us ladies went to a supermarket and bought some delicatessen food.

Since there were five of us, we needed more food than YUKI and I usually buy.

Our elder daughter joined us via video call. Starting next weekend, her solo exhibition will be held in Tokyo for one month. YUKI and I won’t be able to go, but M, A, and another friend are planning to visit on the first day.

Good morning 0504

 A new week has started. We’re in the middle of a five-day weekend, and both of us are spending it rather lazily.

Fortunately, Yuki was able to receive his chemotherapy last Friday, even though it had been scheduled to be skipped.
Based on his previous treatments, he might develop a fever around this time, but so far he hasn’t.

The current chemotherapy seems to be working and holding the progression back, and the doctors are pleased. However, we have mixed feelings and can’t simply feel happy about it. It feels as if this might be the last treatment that can prolong his life, which is what the doctors seem to be implying.

Still, yesterday he participated in a jazz session at a jazz café. He’s trying to enjoy every moment. That said, depending on how he feels in the morning, we never know if he’ll be able to go out—so we’re just taking it easy.

Meanwhile, I find myself becoming increasingly anxious about living alone someday. Our children live far away, so I can’t really rely on them to come quickly in an emergency. It feels too early—both in terms of age and finances—to move into a care home.
My mother-in-law decided on her own to move into one at the age of 80.

When I start thinking about these things, my anxiety swells up and sometimes leaves me unable to get out of bed. That was me yesterday.

Still, somehow, life goes on.

Good morning 0430.

 It’s a cool day today, so I have the heater on. Yuki has started wearing setta as indoor slippers

Setta look like flip-flops, but they are traditional Japanese sandals, often made with tatami. They are usually worn by men with kimono or by monks.

I thought they might help keep his toes in place and give some stimulation, so we decided to try them. He’s also wearing special socks for them.

Haiku in April

 The results of the April online haiku meeting  are out. I submitted three haiku though it is a rule. this time  only one was chosen. Can you guess which one?

I tried translating them into English.

Mother’s back—
in open-air bath steam,
all hazy

Falling cherry blossoms—
a Hannya mask hidden
within my heart
Hannya: a traditional mask symbolizing hidden anger and sorrow

This cherry blossom—
again, the two of us
in a wheelchair now

Good morning 0428

 It is sunny today, and we are glad. Yesterday, as I wrote, it was rainy and very cold. After we came back home from the hospital, neither of us felt well, so we lay down and rested, even though the hospital itself was warm.

We carefully looked at the images together with the radiologist. Thankfully, there is no metastasis this time, and the tumors in the brain are now almost undetectable. It seems we can continue living with the cancerfor a while longer. For now, it feels like we’ve managed to hold on.

Worrying every time like this is exhausting, but it can’t be helped.

A friend who lives in Tokyo suddenly sent me a message this morning and asked, “Are you watching TV?” Apparently, Utsunomiya has been ranked No. 1 as a place to relocate. I didn’t see the program, so I’m not sure whether that ranking was for people from big cities or from more rural areas.

Living costs may be lower than in big cities, but it is hard to live without a car, and it is cold here.

From my friend

Good morning 0427

 It’s rainy today. It’s the kind of weather that makes going out feel like a hassle, but since we’re going by car, it’s not a problem.

I find it interesting to observe people at the hospital. It’s a large hospital for this area, so some people come from quite far away—more than an hour and a half by car or train.

Some people are dressed very casually, as if they’ve just popped out for a quick errand, while others are fully dressed up, as if they’re going somewhere special. You don’t really see anyone wearing kimono, though. There are also many family members accompanying patients, so you see a wide variety of styles.

Since it’s raining today, I’m thinking I’ll need a spring coat—even though I’ll be in the car. Of course, I’ll end up taking it off once I’m inside the hospital.

by Yuki

s

Good evening 0426

 I haven’t posted an update on this blog for a while, but we’re doing well.

First, I’d like to tell you about Yuki’s situation. Last week, he was able to receive chemotherapy. He also had a CT scan, and fortunately, his tumors have not grown. In fact, the tumors in his brain have become remarkably smaller than we or the doctors expected.

To be honest, in the first half of April, we had a lot of concerns, as he had a slight fever and his white blood cell count was unstable.

Tomorrow, we will see a radiation oncologist, and the day after tomorrow, we will see an ENT specialist. We will be busy going to the hospital, but it also means we will have a chance—or rather, we will need—to eat lunch out. It’s enjoyable, although it does make "me" worry a bit about our budget. Still, we are simply grateful that we are able to go out at all.

Today, I went to a temple in the morning to copy sutras. I need to concentrate while copying sutras. It might be a kind of mindfulness practice. I had a good time.

In the afternoon, Yuki went to the gym to ride a stationary bike. He also used some other machines. He can’t walk smoothly, but riding a bike and using some machines are fine for him.

Today, we had all three meals at home.