trouble shooter 0403

 I tried to translate advice colum I was interested in.

Advice seeker; 

I have never been number one in anything that I have done

I’m in my 20’s. I have never been number one in anything that I have done

What I mean is to be selected by people who are not personally related to me.  Or I can say someone shows me special affection, or an authority nominates and praises me directly, or get special approval from people around me. 

I tend to think that I am disliked because I am not number one. I can’t get any reward for my affection or efforts, I get late replies, and I don’t get any praise.

I get along well with my family. I might be greedy and selfish because I want to be loved by more people not only by them. However I'm upset by my own uselessness because I am not number one in anything I do.

Adviser Mr.Ogawa (an philosopher)

You seem to worry that you have never been number one. You also said being number one is to be selected by other people. What you really need is to accept yourself, not to be number one or to be selected by other people.

Axel Honneth who is a philosopher in Germany uses the word “approval” about what you say. “Approval” is not to be accepted by others, but to accept yourself. Evaluation from others is only material to get approval from ourselves. 

So, if you are satisfied with yourself, you don’t need to care what others think. It is the same story with “which came first the egg, or the hen?”  If you can’t accept yourself while you are not accepted by others, you never get “approval”.

So, if you can’t do it, might as well accept yourself first. Consequently, other people naturally accept who you if you have confidence. It is clear which is easier, accept yourself or be accepted by others. Either way you will be number one, so you should choose the easier way. When you accept yourself, I think you won’t care whether you are number one or not.