On Mondays usually Yuki doesn’t go playing tennis because the public tennis coats he goes to are closed. Instead of it he usually goes fishing . But he doesn’t go today because of this hot temperature.
Do I go to the gym to workout?
Anyway Yuki says that he has to arrange some music scores for the next small in August.
I have lots of books to read I borrowed from the library the other day.
Today I will go to a personal library with my books.
The pair of black works is made by my daughter.
If you visit Fukuoka in Japan and stay Ritz Carlton, please say at the front.
“Oh, I know the artist of this work “ to support and advertise her.
Yesterday in the evening we went to the library. I was going to read s at night, but gave up. In front of my computer on which I see amazon prime video, I was sitting absentmindedly. I think Yuki was siting in front of TV and PC while taking a nap.
Today I am going to the gym in the morning.
My mother’s situation has changed. Her back has hurted again. Most of time she is in the bed. Yesterday she didn’t go to daycare center. What I can do is to talk with her through my daughter’s video phone. Her caregivers are thinking what is the best way to her.
I thought I should have gone seeing her today, but I didn’t. I will send some money to my daughter to buy and deliver her favorite meals constantly for a while. My mother doesn’t eat them a lot, it is all right. The important thing is she enjoys different meals every day. And my daughter eats the rest of them.
I tried translating another article continuing from yesterday. There are many problems about nursing. This article tells us a problme of them.
Troubleshooter
"My family is fully stretched nursing our father on our own. We have reached our limit."
I’m in my late 50s and a housewife. My husband and I live with my parents. My mother who is in her 80s and I nurse my father who is also in his 80s. My mother has insisted on nursing her husband no matter what. I’m the eldest daughter, my younger sister lives far.
My father has dementia, and his weight is more than 70kg. So it is hard for him to move his body by himself. He often falls down recently.
The other day he fell down when my husband and I were out. It was a little bit far from home. My mother called me for help. I told my mother to ask help from our neighbors. But she refused because she didn’t want her husband to be seen by others. So, my husband and I went back home, it took 2 hours.
The situation is getting worse. Though he uses diapers, these days sometimes they don’t work well, sometimes his bed gets dirty with feces. I proposed her to use official elderly nursing service, let him go to an elderly day care center and take a bath there at least once a week. However, she said “if you act like we are getting in your way, I would rather die with my husband”
I don’t work, but I’m not able to stay home all the time. What should I do?
Advicer
At first please show my answer to your mother.
I don’t know your mother’s name, so let me call her Ms.A.
Ms. A, please let your husband go to an elderly day care center twice or three times a week. And please accept helpers or caregivers in your house. It is not humiliating in present time to get help from others especially professional caregivers. We are entitled to receive official services using our nursing insurance. It makes your husband comfortable and less burden for you and your daughter.
Probably you sometimes see or hear the news about murders due to caregiver fatigue. Most of them, they occurred in the families who didn’t get professional caregiver services and administrative services.
Your daughter is in her late 50s, not so young. You and her is getting older. Nursing your husband with your family is close to limit considering your physical power and mental power.
Please don’t depend only your daughter who is not that young anymore. Please accept others, such as professional helpers and caregivers. Please use elderly nursing centers. If you continue this life, your family might be destroyed.
This article reminded me the day "when I used to talke to my mother on the phone. At that time I made a call to my mother as my duty. Now it has got a nostalgic memory with my mother.
"My mother only complains and brags about herself on the phone to me"
I’m in my 60s, a part-time worker. My mother is in her 80s, lives alone in her hometown. She has been working since she was young. As of now, she works part time washing dishes five times a week.
For these years, I almost call her every night to make sure whether she is fine or not. Sometimes talking with her is fun. But recently she talks my ear off. Most of the time she is complaining or bragging about herself. It is a pain.
My parents didn’t get along well. Since they lived separately when I was in junior high school, my father had taken care of me. I didn’t like her because she used to tease me saying “you look like your father”. Since my father passed away, my mother and I have kept a good relationship. However, these days I sometimes remember the feeling which I used to have. I want to be considerate, spend time with my mother and consider each other equal. What should I do?
Advicer
At first, I think the relationship between you and your mother is very nice, though you are always worried. From other people’s point of view, your relationship is wonderful.
You don't know what you've got till it's gone. I understand you sometimes dislike her when she talks your ear off.
It might be a pain when you remember your bad feelings for her in the past. And it is more important now for you to spend time for things you want to do. However, such days talking with your mother will become nostalgic someday.
You might know it, so you struggle with your feelings. You try to find the way how to be considerate, share the time together, and keep equality. My answer is to be more considerate. Michael A. Slote who is a professor of ethics calls it “mature empathy”. It is completely different from sympathy which is considering others from the point of view of yourself.
The important thing is to be considerate to the other person from his or her point of view. It is “mature empathy”. If you can, you won’t feel that you have to endure listening to her. It is the mature attitude.
The problems about relationship can be solved when the person who wants to try to solve becomes more mature and be more adult.
Last year it was scorching. This year it will get scorching more. Can “I” survive?
Anyway today both of us go to get a haircut.
Last Sunday we were already in the train. Calm Sunday. I’ve already got three fresh bitter “ Goya “ from the next door. How do I cook them?
This weekend rainy season seems to finish. Today it is cloudy so less hot than yesterday.
This time I have updated long version. In this youtube, I introduced my daughter’s explanation about her work. She got the idea of this work from her grandmother’s (my mother’s) daily life who has dementia.
I am happy if you share this one or the short one share to your friends. These ones are not official.I translated her explanation in English, so there must be many mistakes... sorry.
Today it is hot but less humid than yesterday. I should go to the gym.
I made YouTube videos introducing our one-day trip to Hakone POLA museum. When you are available, please check them. Today’s one is short version.
Normal days have come back. In this month we have no special plan. We anyway should face to this heat.
It is the last weekday of this week. I should go to the gym.
Both of us said “I feel heavy.”
I think I feel heavier than Yuki because of lack of physical power. He says no one understand others’ pain.
We go out for lunch to refresh. I feel “lethargic”.
It is correct way to use “lethargic”?
Yuki seemed to get used to this heat. I am tired out from this heat. We plan to go Hakone by train this weekend. Do is need to keep my physical power instead of going to the gym?
Yuki said it is a wrong logic.
Anyway today I put on something fancy.
A busy week has finished.
I did discarding 10 things yesterday as a usual weekend mission.
Though I am very tired I will attend a haiku meeting today to refresh myself. However it is a really difficult lesson class, so I am not sure to refresh myself. Anyway my brain focus on haiku world.
Anyway we do what we schedule on the day.
Today Yuki goes to golf. It is “must” according to him.
I will go to the gym as of now this morning I have nothing special as usual. In the afternoon I have a new online meeting and two lessons .
Today’s our mission is going to the pension office to get some advice.
Finally Yuki starts to receive his pension even though it is not still full.
It is the first Monday in July. I changed sofa cove and carpets into summer version. Yesterday we washed and dried them in a laundromat nearby.
Last week, it started with having meat outside, and finished with having meat outside again
June has gone. July has come.
Today our sun in-law finally comes back. Probably he is now in Narita airport. We are relieved because our borden to support his family ( our younger daughter and ground daughter) get lighter.
(On the other hand our ground daughter won’t call us so much like before)
I am still making making sachets to share the fragrance of my lavenders in the garden. (Making them is one of the way to discard things. I am puttig away my collection of offcuts little by little)
