Good morning 0725 “troubleshooter 0722”

 This article reminded me the day "when I used to talke to my mother on the phone. At that time I made a call to my mother as my duty. Now it has got a nostalgic memory with my mother.

"My mother only complains and brags about herself on the phone to me"

I’m in my 60s, a part-time worker. My mother is in her 80s, lives alone in her hometown. She has been working since she was young. As of now, she works part time washing dishes five times a week.

For these years, I almost call her every night to make sure whether she is fine or not. Sometimes talking with her is fun. But recently she talks my ear off. Most of the time she is complaining or bragging about herself. It is a pain.

My parents didn’t get along well. Since they lived separately when I was in junior high school, my father had taken care of me. I didn’t like her because she used to tease me saying “you look like your father”. Since my father passed away, my mother and I have kept a good relationship. However, these days I sometimes remember the feeling which I used to have. I want to be considerate, spend time with my mother and consider each other equal. What should I do?

Advicer

At first, I think the relationship between you and your mother is very nice, though you are always worried. From other people’s point of view, your relationship is wonderful. 

You don't know what you've got till it's gone. I understand you sometimes dislike her when she talks your ear off.

It might be a pain when you remember your bad feelings for her in the past. And it is more important now for you to spend time for things you want to do. However, such days talking with your mother will become nostalgic someday. 

You might know it, so you struggle with your feelings. You try to find the way how to be considerate, share the time together, and keep equality. My answer is to be more considerate. Michael A. Slote who is a professor of ethics calls it “mature empathy”. It is completely different from sympathy which is considering others from the point of view of yourself.

The important thing is to be considerate to the other person from his or her point of view. It is “mature empathy”. If you can, you won’t feel that you have to endure listening to her. It is the mature attitude.

The problems about relationship can be solved when the person who wants to try to solve becomes more mature and be more adult.

It has alreday got hot.