I'm a Japanese housewife living in Japan. I'm in my 60's. I want to know daily lives in the world, so at first I'll tell my daily. What is your daily life?
Yesterday, we drove a little bit far away to have special coffee.
The owner roasts coffee beans at his cafe. There is an interesting roasted coffee beans, which isi the beans with whiskey flavor. A kind of beans are roasted with whiskey. While they are roasted, alcohol has gone, only flavor remains.
It was an interesting taste. I can’t drink alcohol, so I could enjoy whiskey flavor. On the other hand Yuki seemed not to be satisfied. The flavor made him want real whiskey.
Additionally the owner took early retirement and started his cafe in the “really” rural area. Additionally he used to work for the same company of Yuki used to. Bites of them have some common friends? For the owner they were managers, and for Yuki some of were his colleagues.
How do I get along with my mother who is obstinate and difficult?
consulter (a lady)
I’m in my 50’s and an office worker. I have a trouble about my mother who is demanding and obstinate. She tends to react negatively to what other people say and do. So, she tends to become isolated fromher family and relatives. On the other hand, she often relies on me conveniently and manipulates me as she wants to.
She has no friends who care about her. She has too much pride. When someone doesn’t accept her opinion, she becomes enrage and gets rid of them with really bad words.
In her daily life, she insults athletes who are doing their best, or couples who take a walk happily.
She is also really calculating person, so she is obsessed with money and things. Though she is my mother; she has a bad character.
I understand that, my home environment is different from hers. Her aging brings her worries and irritation. So, I want to be kind to her, but it is really difficult. How do I calmly get along with her?
Advisor Mr. F (writher)
How kind you are. You understand and try to accept her uncomfortable feeling and irritation.
However, even though her bad words are not to you, but to others. When you hear them, you get hurt. When you see her bad character like being calculating her, and being obsessed with money, you get hurt more. The people surrounding her seem to give up communicating with her except you. So, you are the only person whom she relies on in good meaning and bad meaning. You are the only person she can vent her frustration.
However, you don’t need to fall victim to her. You seek for some advice to this column. It means you seem to reach the limit of your patience. You should declare your uncomfortable feelings. How about you distance yourself from your mother? But you should do it with strong determination to prepare thoroughly. Your mother must attack you with really bad words to deny you. You are not wrong. Even considering the difference of environments between two of you, many people who are in the same generation as your mother’s spend their elder lives calmly.
I hope you won’t be hurt much because you care about your mother too much.
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Let me say my opinion and feeling.
I really understand this consulter’s feelings. When I was in my 50’s, I had the same, though my mother was not isolated, I think. But I was really worried that how to calmly get along with my mother. She was really selfish. I visited my mother in Tokyo twice a month or more. Before the day I visited, I was usually stressed out. And when I talked to her, though she was selfish, she looked very happy. And after visiting I was satisfied my self to do my job as a daughter. So, in her case, probably she should distant herself from her mother, but, on the other hand she has to face to herself and consider her duties as a daughter.
Now I’m still in my 60’s. But I am really afraid to become such selfish, calculating and being obstinate in the coming years. Because I inherit my mother’s character.
Yesterday I joined in an online meeting. Though all members were Japanese, I was the oldest.
The topics are "Fame".
I'll intorduce my opinions to some interesting questions.
◆How do you feel about fame? Do you think that fame can make people happy?
Fame seems to be one of results. Doing the best and achieving success results in him or her having a fame,or fame is also one thing which has been passed down for generations.
Some people must be happy having fame, others are not, though it applies to anything. However, people tend to want fame including me. Additionally, even if I had fame, I wouldn’t know whether I would be happy or not.
◆What problems can fame bring? What would bother you most about being famous?
Probably they will lose their privacy. People! Probably it will be difficult who I trust, and who I must not trust.
◆Where would you live if you were very famous and had a lot of money?
I would like to live in a condominium with perfect nursing care and entertainment.
About this quesion, I only answered seriously. Other's answeres included positive dreams.
Yesterday, I walked about 4000 steps. As soon as I started walking my right leg felt stiff, but it got better. I will constantly walk every day about 4000 steps. Next week I go to an orthopedic doctor, then I will resume workout at the gym.
Yesterday I kept track of our monthly household accounts. Do you do it? Of course we can’t make ends meet on our pension, we withdraw our savings little by little. Our main daily expenditure is “food and meals”. The food & meals include things which we buy at Costco. Food & meals are one of our entertainment.
Yesterday a new visitor dropped by my home library. She was walking exercise. She wasn’t interested in English picture books, but showed interest to some Japanese books. She is busy in nursing her mother who is 87years old. For a while we talked about nursing elder people.
It was fun.
For a while I won’t be able to goto the gym, so I open my home library in the morning when I don’t need to go to the hospital or clinics.
Usually I open my home library in the evening (it is the same when I used to open my English class), or someone contacts me.
Yuki’s band live of yesterday ended n a high note. Yuki’s tennis mates came to see it. It was a good day. I also could skip cooking. We had lunch outside, then after the live we bought lunch boxes for our dinner at a department store.
Additionally, now the laundry machine is washing his costume (pants, shirts). After it, ironing them is my job.
Today it is Yuki’s band live day. Fortunately, he seems to go through the tunnel of his side effects. I don’t know whether the expression “go through” is suitable or not. In Japanese it is “Nukeru.” Many can see patients use the word, instead of heal. They should go through the tunnel at least every three week.
This time the tunnel was longer than last time,
Though I already wrote, to heal his muscle hot joints) pain, we bought two new mats. (Don’t ask me why we? )
To fix my bad posture I bought a gaming chair at a furniture store. Two new mats, but one gaming chair? He found another one at a used shop. And he bought it.
My back pain is getting better. Today I am going to get acupuncture again. Yuki’s muscle pain is also getting better. He might go playing tennis today. Tomorrow his band is going to perform. Tomorrow’s event is his top priority. So he might stay home today.
To tell the truth it was a little bit tough week for us, even though we went out almost every day.
Yesterday I hold a laughter yoga meeting. At chat time, we told three complaints, troubles or worries.Coincidently, or naturally, all of them complained our pain.
Then we told three things, what we did, what made happy, what we thanked. Coincidently or naturally food or confectionery made us happy. And all of them did gardening.
Yesterday we went to an art museum for a change of pace. Than we expected Yuki’s joint pain? muscle pain is continued. Two of us are suffering such pains, we feel to get really old, even though his pain is not caused by his aging.
Anyway in the morning I hold a laughter yoga meeting. Three elder ladies are going to come. Of course they are older than me.
We will talk with a radiologist at the same hospital. We usually talk with her after Yuki has a CT scan. Of course we also talk with his main doctor of respiratory medicine. It is good for us to talk with and listen to the two doctors.
Today he also has a shot to prevent from decreaseing the number of leukocytes. From his expereicne, after having the shot , he tends to have a slight fever. But he is going to join in his band practis tonight.
Yesterday I could go to nearby temple to copy sutras (syakyou). My back is getting better.
Today we are going to a city garbage center. I decided to discard “Zaisu” which is a chair without legs and used when sitting on the floor. Additionally I also discard other folding chairs which were used at a classroom when I had students.
I discarded many things about my clam school, but I thought I still have some (or many). How many things are stuffed in this small house? (Ms. J knows how small this house is!)
To tell the truth, it is difficult for me to focus on and keep positive minds. I’ll try to do it.
Yesterday two of us and our friend had a wonderful morning at a cafe.
Fortunately it was raining, so we were the first customer there.
In the afternoon I decided to buy a new chair to do PC work. We went to a furniture store. I could order one on net, but I wanted to sit directly. I decided one. A new chair comes next Wednesday (Yuki should
assemble it.) we know the type of the char I bought is called “gaming chair”. There is another type called “working chair”. What is the difference? Both of them seem to be good for our back. The seat of gaming chair is a little bit harder than shear of working char. And probably gaming chair is easier to relax. (It means working chair might better for our back, if we sit for a long hours.)
I do pc work on the chair, but I also read books, so I decided to buy gaming chair type.
Yuki could get the fourth chemotherapy. My back got better. Yesterday I had my back bone adjusted at an orthopedic clinic. For two of us it was a long day yesterday.
Today in the morning we are going to go out with our friend, but we can’t get contact with her yet. She must be asleep. We should call her in 30 minutes. Are we able to go out with her as scheduled?
Yuki has already left home to get chemotherapy. For him today it is a long day. I was going to go with him when he talks with his doctor. But I canceled. Now I am waiting for his call. Yesterday I got a strained back. Fortunately I could take an appointment of my familiar acupuncture clinic. At that time it was difficult to walk and painful. This morning I got better, but I can’t walk as usual. So I canceled to go to Yuki’s big hospital. Instead of it, I will go to see an orthopedic doctor. Unfortunately, nearby orthopedic clinic was closed because the doctor got old. So I need to go another one which is a little far, but I can still drive. It might not be necessary for me to go there, but a weekend will come. Clinics are closed. I am a worrywart, so I will go. The clinic must be crowded. I must feel long until the noon comes.
Yesterday, I joined in an online English conversation meeting.
The topics were "Wisdom". The topics were very difficult for me. Then what the other memebers thought were very diffiernt what I said. It was really interesting. I know I'm the eldest in the member, so I misunderstood the contents of the topic.
I thought again, and wrote my opinion.
◆Can you think of a historical figure who was very wise? What made them wise?
The keyword of this quesion is "wise", not "smart".
I think“wise” means having or showing sound judgment. So probably Buda or SHakamuni must have been wise because he showed what is human beings and spread Buddhism. Or Aristotle was wise, he is called the father of philosophy
An ability to discern and judge properly as to what is true or right, not be controlled by their surroundings made people wise.
◆What are 3 things a person can do to gain more wisdom? Do you do these things?
To listen to others taking a netrual posision, not to be controalled by their surroundings, and to pursue more ideal world, better world, or to help others
Today it is the day o Karaku, I play the piano there. Last week I went there by mistake. Yuki is going to join a jam session again as last Tuesday. There he plays the bass instead of the guitar. Both of us are temporary musicians, aren’t we?
Yesterday we went to a food fair of Hokkaidou at a department store again, then we bought “Zangi” again.
Yesterday I did copying of sutras (syakyou) at home. My brash lose its shape, so I need a new one. I should go to a Japanese calligraphy store. Lucky! I found a reason to go to a department store.
I also finished reading books which I borrowed at the library. Yuki has no tennis practice. He is looking for a hat not baseball cap. Though it is raining, we have some errands so go out today together.
Today it is Mother’s Day. When our daughters and granddaughter came last week, they celebrated Kid’s Day & Mother’s Day. (Which was main?) I am afraid that we don’t visit Yuki’s mother in Tokyo. These days Yuki doesn’t contact with his younger brother. He hesitates or think it troublesome to talk about his condition.
Yesterday I finished drawing postcards, and posted my haiku to haiku club on net. I was like an artist.
It took more time than I thought. Those work made me very satisfied. It was a good day.
It is rainy. Yuki is going to join in jam session. I will draw postcards of this month which are sent to elderly people living in this town.
Yesterday we went to a food fair of Hokkaidou at a department store. First we decided our budget. We had a good shopping, all of them were for our dinner. One croquette, one piece of local fried chicken called Zangi, one big rice ball with boiled listers, and so on.
It was fun.
We constantly go to a clinic near the department store. This food fair is open for two weeks. So probably we will go there again.
I walked about 4000 steps, only in the department store, which is not so big (as Ms. J knows)
Yesterday we went to see wisterias at a private residence where they open their garden. It was wonderful. Then we had lunch outside. There I also had cake. I was too greedy. I know these days I am not good at fresh cream. This morning my stomach is still upset.
I really understand, I can eat “only” small expensive high quality cake. Where?
When?
Additionally it is all right to eat my homemade cake.
Yuki walked about 100,00 steps at a golf course. I walked to the library, so my pedometer showed 100,00 steps.
Yesterday I was going to see wisteria flowers with somebody of my gym mates. But unfortunately I could not find anyone. So I changed my plan to walk to the library after the gym.
Then I dropped by my friend’s beauty salon and got a hair cut (and chatted).
Yesterday, it was not my Karaku day. I noticed that I got to Karaku. It was the first time for me to make a such mistake.
However, it was a good day. I was talking with owner’s couple at the counter table. I was refreshed.
Golden Week vacation finished. Usual days have started.
Usual? Yuki has already left home to play golf. It is the first time for him to play golf this year. (His members planed some but all of them were canceled because of bad weather.)
It is the last day of this Golden Week vacation. It is cloudy, it doesn’t rain yet. Yuki is going to join a jam session in the afternoon, and to go to his band practice at night. For him today is “jazz day”.
For me it is my performance day at Karaku cafe. But today I am under the weather. This English phrase is “perfect”. Because this weather ( changes in the air pressure)causes this trouble of dizziness on me. I hope I will get better until noon.
I complained.
Yesterday, “suddenly” my cable which connects my iPhone and an outlet didn’t work. So I was going to buy new one at a big drugstore nearby on foot. I had a coupon. But Yuki said “it is cheaper to buy at a big electronics store”. So we drove there. We knew same things were sold and using the coupon it was cheaper to buy one at the drugstore
Well, it is all right, he enjoyed browsing the electronics store, and on the way home we dropped by a supermarket.
Additionally in the afternoon I got a minor heat stroke. It was not so hot, but it got very humid suddenly compared the day before yesterday. My heat stroke probably came from humidity.
A new week has started. On the calendar today and tomorrow are still holidays.
I was a good chef for the two days. Yuki was a good tennis coach yesterday. We had a good holiday.
I didn’t have to think about anything unnecessary. Cooking, washing, talking, moving, —-sleeping.
My daughters and I had enough time to talk about our current situations including his disease and our financial situation, and our future plan, while Yuki was playing the game with our granddaughter.
Yesterday, it was rainy. I went out in the morning, but when I came back I felt sick. So I was in bed. It is one good thing of our retirement life. I can line down on bed anytime. Probably my nerves system got in disorder.
This morning I am not so bad. Additionally it is sunny.
Can you guess where I (we) went out yesterday?
We went out to a department store to “check” a bed mattress. One of Yuki’s side effects is muscle pain. Especially after he gets a shot, his muscle seems hurt. So he started checking mattress CM on TV. ( not on net). And he wanted to check some “real” mattress at a “department store”. It means he wants one branded mattress with proven results. The one he wants is advertised by a famous athlete, and used at a famous hotel.
Then, did I buy ones?
No, when we got home, he bought two mattress of its second grade on net. Why I wrote “two” ? Of course the other is mine.
It will come in about two weeks. It will comes before he takes the third chemotherapy.
May has started. We are glad to spend usual days calmly. Yuki’s job is playing tennis to keep his physical power. And for me, probably it is the same. 30 minute workout at the gym, and walking exercise are my job, I wonder. Though job means earning money, these our jobs are paid by the word ‘health’ instead of money.
I try to think like that to keep my motivation.
Yuki gets used to exercising, because (probably) he was a member of football and tennis club when he was a junior high school, and he liked them. For him exercising was usual thing.
On the other hand, when I was a junior high school, I was a member of table tennis club “for a little”. I quitted. Of course I took PE at school as a good student. But I don’t like exercise. Or I am not used to every day exercise.
When he was busy as a businessman, he played tennis once a week at least. Sometimes he gave priority to playing tennis (and joining his band practice) over our family events. Of course it always caused an argument.
But now his habits pay off. In my case I keep practicing the piano. And still now I have an opportunity to play the piano at cafe. This habit pays off.
My husband Yuki and I live in a regional city. Our retirement life has state since 2020. Though Something good, exciting, worried or bad often happens, we try to focus the current situation and spend enjoyable days while living offf our savings little by little carefully.
