Yesterday we went to the hospital. Unfortunately, his cancer has progressed.
The three of us, including the doctor, went over, once again, the things we had already discussed previously.
A visiting nurse comes to our home every other week. The doctor apparently receives reports about how things are going during these visits.
Depending on how things develop, a home-visiting doctor can be arranged. His oncologist will give the necessary instructions.
In the end, when the time comes, Yuki will be admitted to a palliative care unit rather than staying at home.
We went over all of this rather matter-of-factly.
Yuki himself is still doing really well, though. His doctor seems to expect that at some point, his condition may suddenly take a turn for the worse.
The doctor said, “For now, let’s schedule a CT scan at the end of October and a follow-up appointment in early November. But if anything happens before then, please come by ambulance.”
As for Yuki, I honestly don’t know what he is really thinking.
He still has numbness in his leg, but otherwise he is doing very well. I don’t know whether his attitude of “I won’t know until the time comes” means he is simply taking things lightly, trying not to think about it, or has somehow come to terms with it. Perhaps even he doesn’t know.
I know there is no point in worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Still, I think he has a point when he says, “There’s no use thinking about things you can’t do anything about.”
He is going to the jazz café again today to play his instruments. It takes about 35 minutes by car.
And as for me…
I know there is no point in worrying about what I can’t change, but I keep wondering how I am supposed to get through each day from now on.
To be honest, I’m scared.
This afternoon, I’m meeting a friend who is doing some alterations to my clothes. I haven’t told her about Yuki’s illness, though.
Anyway, it means I won’t be alone for a while, and I think that’s probably a good thing.
