Trouble shooter It is exhausting to talk with my husband who always rejects what I say.

I translated an article in English. It was interesting.

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I’m in my 50’s. I work part time. About twenty years ago I got remarried to my husband who is 5 years younger than me. Now there are two members in my house. When my kids were teens, they asked me to marry again. He works very hard, and he is kind to me. However, when I talked with him, I get very tired.

Whenever I talk to him, he rejects what I say. When we watch TV, and I say “it’s great”, he always says “it is usual, **** (he mentions another example) is greater.” When I say “today’s job was very hard”, he says “it is usual.” He repones to me with quibbles or trips me up.

I ask him to stop saying like that. He changed his attitude temporarily. When he is at home, he is into playing games or watching anime on the net. When he talks to me, I always nod.

Do men always one-up to their wives to keep their self-confidence? It is absurd for me to always flatter him.

Mr.Patrick Harlan (TV personality)

Dear Ms. Venusian (Please call you like this), it is not a big trouble. It often happens between men and women.

20 years ago, a book “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” made the best seller list in the world. According to the book, men focus on solving problems, and women focus on empathy. I don’t say everyone does, but in my case, when I listen to others, I tend to fix what they say like a Martian. I had an experience that I gave advice to my mother who talked me about her troubles in her workplace. She scolded me saying “don’t try to help me”. 

Additionally, for many men they are one way to communicate with their mates to tease them, to trip them up, or to refute. Your husband may do it.

On the other hand, it is important for you to stay natural. How about making sure of what each other wants through conversation. And you will tell him that you need only nodding in this case. When ideal situation of both of you is not the same, your husband has no hard feeling. You try to think that he comes from another planet. I think you feel better at least.