Good morning 0808 & troubleshooter 0803

 Good morning. I decided to visit mother today. I go there alone by train. In an hour I will leave home.

Troubleshooter  08/03

I am in my 60s, I have no friends.

I am a homemaker in my 60s. I retired from work three years ago. My husband still works. We have two children and they are already independent. Since I was young, I haven’t been good at communicating with others. It was troublesome to become friends with other mothers like me. I realized that I have no friends when I reached my 60s. After I retired from my work, I joined hobby circles or voluntary groups. I got some acquaintances but I don’t think they are my friends. People around me seem to go for lunch sometimes. I can exchange small talk but I can’t be anymore closer to them. And no one has tried to be closer to me.

My husband and me are a happy couple. We enjoy driving when my husband is off. 

Probably he will pass away earlier than me. If it happens, it is said female friends are the most important and most　dependable. I don’t know how to make friends. I’m worried about my lonely old age.

Adviser (a philosopher) 

You seem to act alone up to now. Of course, you had your family so you didn’t feel loneliness to act alone. And you seem to feel troublesome to associate with others. I think you don’t need to force yourself to make friends. You imagine a lonely situation without your husband. I think if you can enjoy your own time yourself, you might not feel lonely.

Modern German philosopher Schopenhauer takes lonely free time positive.　He says “To live alone is the fate of all great souls.” When I read his philosophy, I feel naturally that it is wasteful to force to spend time with others. It is a strange feeling. If you really want to talk with a person, or to do something with a person, it is another story. But if you want to distract your mind from your loneliness, you try to associate with others, it is wasteful of your old life, isn’t it? 

At least Philosopher Schopenhauer valued his time alone and he accomplished his great work.  What is interesting is that when a person lives attractively, naturally others get close to him or her.

Your worry should disappear when you make your policy clear, which is “how to live your life as who you are “.

Which do you choose, to force to make friends, or to take your alone life positive?

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I think many Japanese women seem to be worried about the definition of "my friends" including me.