Good morning. It is a hot day again. Yesterday coincidentally I got cucumbers . In my house I had already cucumbers. So totally they got a lot. I decided to make pickled cucumber with soy sauce. I did it then I delivered some to some friends including the person who got me the cucumbers. It was a really busy and fulfilled day yesterday.
Tomorrow I have a haiku meeting. So today I have to polish up hikes which I will show tomorrow.
Troubleshooter 0728
“get-together” : I have a trouble when I have to talk about things I’m not familiar with
I’m a man in my 50s and a public servant. The other day a welcome party was hold for a new coworker who was assigned to the department I belong to. The participants sat at two tables separately. Our group had a lively conversation. The topic changed into anime, then I couldn’t join their talking and I felt isolated.
Looking back, since I was in elementary school, all I did was studying. When I faced to entrance examination to high school, I went to cram school on weekends, and I succeeded. I studied hard at high school, so I could enter the university I wanted to go. Nowadays I feel that I am losing something more important than studying.
I have few friends because I didn’t do anything but studying. When I held my wedding party, I had a trouble who were invited to my party.
How do I act when everyone starts talking about some things which I’m not familiar with at get-together. I get really disappointed. I want to overcome this feeling.
Adviser (a professor)
You recalled your bad memory about relationship when you felt that people left you out because you couldn’t catch up with their topics at the welcome party. However, you could enter the university you wanted, you have a good job, you are happily married. And moreover, you want to be in the center of the conversation. What an unnecessary worry!
Your question is how you will behave in such case. Probably you think that; good relationship needs a kind of skill. If you study harder and acquire the skill, you don’t feel such isolation.
My answer is that; you don’t need to change. You feel you can’t join the topic of the conversation, but it doesn’t mean people around you leave you out.
You don’t need to play the role you are not good at. When the topic is unfamiliar to you, you just sit there and smile. You make the isolation feeling to yourself, saying more correctly your pride makes you feel isolated. Until the topic changes, you can observe the others, or you recall your good memories. You should be easygoing. If you look easygoing, no one feels that you are lonely.
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When I read this article I recalled Yuki in his 50s.
When he was in his 50s, he was the busiest in his businessman's life, and probably most fullfilled or had most troubles.
On the other hand our dauhgters left home (not indepenedet becasue they were college students), so he got free on weekends. He started playing golf. He resumed music live performance on Saturday nights. Looking back, I think he started to prepare for his retiremnt life witout working, though he might haven't realized that at that time. He made other relationships without coworkers. When he became around 60, he didn't worry whether he continued working or not (even though we had finacial worry.) His coworkers in the same generation have worrked what they would do after retireing their work. So most of his friends continued working. And now most of them retired when they became around 64.
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