troubleshooter 0308

 Today's troubleshooter in the newspaper was interesting to me. 

Because I might be in the same situation like this "mother".  I think "some women" gets older, they seem to want to depends on their "daughters" more. Or they have nostalgic feeling of their previous family image.

I tried to translate the article.

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Troubleshooter March 8th

My mother gives off a negative aura to me

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m in my 40’s. I have a trouble with my mother. I’m marred. There are four members, two kids, my husband and me in my family. When I visit my mother with my kids, she always claims to feel sick and complains and she always say gloom and doom things. I’m sick and tired of talking with her.

What she is interested in is only her health situation, and what she talks about is only about it. She doesn’t go anywhere, doesn’t clean up the house, and doesn’t cook. She buys delicatessens. She spends a very boring life. I advices her to talk with her friends or to go to Karaoke with her friends. However she doesn’t listen to me.

She is mentally unstable. So she goes to the psychiatrist and takes sleeping tablets. My father lives with her and works at near their house. He seems to be fed up with her, but he seems to get along with her. She seems to be afraid to be alone in the house. She says to me to quit my job and stay home. I have my own family, so I can’t take care of her a lot.

I can’t stand it. I want not to visit her. 

Dear Ms. C

You seem to be overwhelmed by your mother’s negative aura, but you seem not to be able to leave her. It is your kindness, isn’t it? 

However, sometimes kindness is a double-edged sword. It eases other’s anxiety and settles the feeling. On the other hand you might be overwhelmed by their trouble, and bear the burden. 

If you are in hard situation, the best way is take a distance with her. It doesn’t mean “leaving her”. It is the best way that each other cherish their lives and their family. 

Fortunately, your father gets along with your mother, even though he is tired of her. I think it is all right to leave your mother to your father.

And she also go to the psychiatrist. So it is better to leave her trouble and mental pain to the psychiatrist. A doctor is a third person, so business and emotions don't mix. He can give her sound advice. And you should take enough distance from her mentally and physically. You will help her when something happens to her.