troubleshooter 0818

I translated this article. 

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I’m in my 60’s. I have an older sister. She is strong-willed. So she had controlled me since our childhood. I didn’t rebel against her, I had put up with her. Last year our mother passed away, finally I could express my accumulated frustrations to her. My sister had taken care of our mother for seven years since our father’s death. Our mother lived separately. She inherited enough fortune from our father, but my sister controlled her very strictly about her financial situation saying that “you have to save your money for your funeral”. I thought, my sister and I should pay for it instead of her. It’s a pity. Until our mother passed away, she had been worried about that. Our mother was very kind. She took care of her grandchildren, and did lots of things to my sister’s family. After her funeral we had a big quarrel, and since then she has broken off relations with me. The first death anniversary of our mother is just around the corner. I’m not sure if she had tried to contact me. But now I don’t want to get reconnected with her. On the other hand I am worried whether I should attend the anniversary if she contacts me.

Dear

Sisters or brothers cut off their relationship with one another because of nursing their aged parents or inheritance; we often hear such situation. There are some cases where each child holds the ceremony separately. Your worry is the same. About the first death anniversary of your mother, it is time to rethink about your relationship with your sister and relatives, since you seem to have no inheritance issues. You are very kind, because you worry about the ceremony and fuss over being contacted by your sister. You hesitate about asking her. I really understand you have your say about nursing your mother and inheritance. However, please understand your sister’s situation. She was in charge of the funeral, and she had a hard time and financial burden which no one noticed. I recommend you to write to her saying “may I go visit on the first death anniversary of our mother?” Though you don’t need to write unnecessary things, don’t forget to show your gratitude to her for nursing our mother and so on. If you don’t receive any reply, do a simple ceremony at your house, put your mother’s photo and flowers and take pictures.

It’s better not to pursue relentlessly and just go with the flow. I’m 20 years older than you. I want to add one essential thing about success of child rearing. It is that “after parents’ death, sisters and brothers should keep getting well along”

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Well, brother's trouble has happened to me --- so this article is very interesting.