trouble shooter 0610

There was sucn an article on yesterday's newspaper.

Probably the same thing happend on my younger brother and me. Then we broke up. It is no use crying over split milk.

At that time I talked about our relationship to some friends. Every one said "it happened any where".

Trouble shooter

I’m in my middle 50’s. I’d like to get some advice about my mother who is in her 90’s.

My mother goes to elderly taking care center once a week. On the other days, my elder brother who lives with her takes care her. However, he serves her breakfast and dinner, and changes her dipper at that time. During the day she is laid down on the bed without being served lunch.

My elder brother refuses someone come in to the house when he is out. He says “she is sleeping on the bed in the day time, so no one need to come to nurse her.”

I want her to talk some one in the day time, so want her to live in a nursery home. But he rejects my opinion saying “I take care of her”.

My mother is dementia, so she can’t understand her situation. I live far from her house. So, I only visit her once a week. I want to talk him into moving her to a nursing home. What should I do?

Adviser (professor)

I’m not sure how much your mother need to nurse, but it seems to be difficult that she takes care of herself. And I really understand it concerns you that your mother is at home alone in the day time. I think your brother is exhausted physically and mentally because he nurses your mother alone. In this situation, you suddenly advise him to let her move to the nursery home, it just makes him angry. Because he feels that his all efforts were denied by you.

It might be difficult to let your mother move to a nursery home, but it is impossible for someone to come in to their house to take care of her or to go to elderly taking care center more. 

However usually it is hard to listen relatives’ suggestion calmly. You will ask the stuff of the elderly taking care center, or someone to advise him.

On the hand you will express more your gratitude and appreciation to your elder brother.