trouble shooter 0722

 Trouble shooter 0722

I can’t accept the complains of my mother.

I’m in my late 20s. I am a pharmacist. I can’t accept and forgive the complains of my mother who is in her 60s.

My father is selfish, so he decides every thing without talking with my mother such as changing his job or buying a house. When he did something without talking my mother, my mother always complained about him to me. My younger brother also had lots of troubles among his friends or at school. When he caused troubles, she always complained about him to me, too.

So, I have done my best not to worry her more. I passed entrance examination and license examination on the first try.

As soon as my younger brother got to job, he quitted. He stayed home. I tried to suggest him to take a break from work before quitting, but I was stopped by mother. She said “you are not involved in this matter, so don’t say anything”. My heart broke off.

Because of my father and his brother, my mother complained to me. So, I used to fix her mood, sending some presents to her. But now I am too tired to contact to my mother. Do I accept my mother with initiative actions by myself?

Adviser Ms. Mogami (writer)

The struggle of your mother seems never to end. Daughters tend to be a role to listen to the complains of their mother. But you’ve already fulfilled your duty. Now you are full of negative emotion to your mother. It is correct to make a distance from your mother and your family. But you seek an advice because you are anxious. It means you are controlled by your mother without your noticing.

Your mother said “don’t interfere in the family matters”. So, without hesitation you should guard your own time. If you have to contact to her, you write a letter. And it might be good to add one sentence “not depend on me, you should find your own way to release your stress

Sometime a day you should face to your family without your wills. Until that time, you should train both your body and mind to endure the stress. As of now you keep in touch with many kinds of people and gain experiences. I’ll be rooting for you.

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When I was in my 50s, I didn't like listening to the complain of my mother. So I try not to complain to my daughters, ( I think).

On the other hand I really envy the mothers who complain something to their daughters.

And I know, such a day to face to mother's compalin will come.

At that time what will happen to my daughters?

troulbe shooter 0724

 

troulbe shooter 0724

My elder son who lives together said “I won’t forgive you ever”.

I’m a housewife in my 70s. About three years ago my husband passed away. Now I live with my elder son, his wife and their child in a multi-generational house. I get along with my daughter in-law. Sometimes we share homemade dishes with each other.  On the other hand, before my elder son married, I thought we were getting along with each other, but since he married, he has never answered to me. I have endured his attitude. One day I asked him that which part you hate me. He answered “I won’t forgive you when you scolded me who was in elementary school”.

I have four sons. It was really hard to raise them. So probably I would have sacrificed the eldest son. I’m really sorry to him because now I know how I hurt him at that time and it caused his unforgiven attitude to me. I get along with the other sons.

He seems not talk his emotion to his wife. If something happened to me, his family would take care of me. So, do I continue to endure his attitude?

Adviser Ms. Yamaguchi (an author)

You don’t have anything wrong. You don’t need to feel of guilt. Your son is strange. Men who are in their 50s, adults, and have their family usually don’t take such attitude.

You live in a multi-generational house. It means you and your husband shared the building cost of the house with your son’s family. So, it is really unfair too much that your son continues to ignore you. The reason is that simply you and your son aren’t compatible. His personality doesn’t match to you. It is nobody’s fault. If I dared to say, it is God’s fault. So he cannot stop resisting you against what you say and do.

You get along with the other sons It means you are proud of that you are a good mother.

And you get along with your daughter in-law. It is enough. You should consider your sone as a stone statue. You should give up his attitude to you.

If something wrong happened, we have public elder nursing insurance.

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This aritcle recalled me of my younger son. Probably we are not compatible, and only I don't realize it.

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lunch diary 0727

 

Last week, we went to COSTOCO. We really enjoyed COSTOCO day every month.

Usually we had 180 yen hot dog (with free drink). Instead saving lunch fee, we enjoyed shopping. We constatnly buy bulgogi beef there. And I devide them into 7 small bags, then I freeze them.

Bulgogi is Korean food. Do you have one at a costoco in your country?

Good morning 0726

 Yesterday, “we” didn’t buy a new iPad. I was all right to buy the most inexpensive one. It is about 50000yen. But Yuki’s  result was most expensive one. It is about 100000yen. I am not familiar with the capacity and ability. And I am not into using iPad. So, for a while I use this one. It is about 10 years old. 

On the other hand we knew a freezer is less than 30000 yen. Both of us wanted. But where do we put it? So unfortunately we didn’t buy it. I know some people around got a freezer, who are into Costco.

Anyway we enjoyed Costco.

The main thing was for me to take Cognitive behavioral therapy. I did. This time the doctor and I talked about our positive things. Actually on the surface I have some events constantly every month. So I look like positive. In my opinion compared the old me I feel like that I don’t act so much. And nowadays I act with Yuki, so I am afraid of my future. I really relative how I relies on Yuki. The doctor said it is a cognitive distortion.

Anyway yesterday we had a good time. 

Topic is changed.

I have a question. 

Do you pronounce “ant” and “aunt” differently? Pronounce signs are the same. 

Good morning 0725

 It is the day of Costco (or it is the day that I take cognitive behavioral therapy). As you know I can’t upload photos from my iPad, yet. I might buy a new iPad at Costco. According toYuki’s survey Apple products are more inexpensive to buy at Costco than other shops including thinking about additional Costco point.

Yesterday I got a maneuver of amazon unlimited kindle. For a while I stopped. Bit both of us found some magazines on it, so I registered. I read a “magazine “ on my PC. I can read it on a big screen, so probably it is kind to my eyes. But I can’t “ thumb” though it. I didn’t feel like I have read the magazine, though I “watched” it. Is it possible to let PC read aloud on kindle app?

Good morning 0724

 Today, it is a usual weekday. But I am going to the gym in the afternoon. I will organize my summer clothes morning. And I will select some English picture books for small kids from the shelves on the second floor and change some books in my home library on the first floor the new selected books. 

How do I use my English book collection effectively?

Our Japanese books were almost sold at a second used shop. Then the others are displayed in my home library. Luckily some people sometimes borrow them. To say precisely most of them keep borrowing. We don’t mind. It is one way discard books  and make them effectively. So the number of our Japanese  books we store dramatically has decreased.

Good morning 0723

 Hmm..... it seems to be difficult to put photos on this blog from my iPad. Its version seems not to catch up with the blogger app. Is it a about time to buy a new iPad?

Today my friend holds a performance of her students to read aloud. I will go there...., but it is very hot. I thinking whether to go or not. .

Last weekend Yuki attend a jam session. There he met a man who organizes a music band NPO. Coincidently Yuki is going to dominate his wood bass to the NPO. And Yuki might help him as a volunteer staff of it. 

Additionally yesterday  I got an e-mail from a young mother. She seems to be interested in my English book collection. 

If we continue doing something little by little, something happens, even though it is not so big thing. 

lunch diary 0720

 

Last week, we completed our missions.

A lotaus flower opened. We went to see it before breakfast.

It is near our house. This lotaus grows in a big plantpot.

The big mission of this week is "Costoco".

(It means I will take cognitibe hehavioral therapy at clinic.)

Today we are going to go downtown. Then we are going to have lunch at a YAKISOBA restaurant Yuki found. 

Good morning 0720

 Yesterday Yuki could take immunotherapy. We talked with a nurse. She said that “ In his case the all medicine he has taken seems to go well with him. There are not so many patients who plays tennis almost every day. “.

I said “ I think there are not so many people to play tennis almost every day in such hot weather, even they are healthy, and retired “. (I know a retired man almost every day play golf in America.).

In this area, Japanese rainy season is finished. Finally hot and long? summer has come. I washed bed covers and sheets. I am going to hang them out to dry. We already hung Futon out to dry. We should take Futon in before going out. He is going o play tennis in the morning. I might go the gym in the morning. 

Good morning 0719

 Yesterday Yuki and his brother seemed to have a good time. After they played tennis, they came here to have tea, then they went drinking out near the station. I drove them to the station. After drinking, Yuki came home by “bus”. 

We go out in an hour. We see the doctor, then Yuki will take immunotherapy if he has no problem. While he is taking immunotherapy, I will go to the gym. 

All of our this week schedules are almost done. This weekend I (and Yuki) am going to revise our retirement life schedule notebook including budget, insurance, and so on. I revise it twice in a year. This time we decided to stop some credit cards, and another card has to be changed by its company reason. I always record such card information.

Good morning 0718

 Yuki’s younger brother comes in the afternoon from Tokyo. When he arrives at the station, he and Yuki are going to eat gyoza, then to play tennis. If it starts rain, they drink here in our house. Yuki’s brother retired this spring. For a while he is free. He will work after the Olympic. ( He seems to watch all games lazily.)

In the morning Yuki and I go shopping errands near our house. 

Good morning 0717

Yesterday lots of fresh vegetable , mainly Goya came from our neighbor. Fortunately at the night Yuki had his band practice, so he shared them with the members. 

When the neighbor gave me, I asked her “ is it all right to share the vegetables with his members?”. She said “of course”, then she went back to the garden and picked more. 

Today it doesn’t rain. So it is a usual weekday. It means I have to go to the gym in the morning. Because of unstable weather I feel really dull, though I always complain about my health. It is me.

Good morning 0716

 

This photo is yesterday’s breakfast. We are going to go out in an hour to take annual health check at city health center. No breakfast. So no morning errands except taking garbage out. Yuki is watching TV. I am writing this blog. 

Since we took annual health check last year, our life has changed. 

Almost one year passed. 

Good morning 0715

 

It is Monday, but it is the last day of three day weekend. We have no plan. 

We  borrowed some books at the library yesterday. We have a way to stay home lazily.

If it stops rain, we might visit nearby shrine. 

Yesterday I discarded ten things as usual. I will organize my book shelves which are full of picture books.

This week there are special schedules. We have to take annual health check organized by our city. Yuki’s youngest brother will come to play tennis if it doesn’t rain. And Yuki have to go to the hospital to take immunotherapy. 

Though we are spending retirement life, fortunately or unforeseen we always have some things to do except shopping errands. 

Good morning 0712

 

Today it is the last weekday of this week. On calendar we have a three day weekend, though for us there is no special plan. I will enjoy taking hot spring-like bath. 

It is cloudy, so it is not so hot. It is going to rain.though Yuki will stay in his room on the second floor. I hold a laughter yoga meeting. Probably three senior ladies will come. Today’s my mission is holding a laughter yoga meeting. Then I will spend at home lazily. 

Good morning 0711

 

It is cloudy, so today’s temperature isn’t so high, but humidity is very high.  Can Yuki play tennis, though it looks like it’s going to rain. 

I feel summer fatigue before coming real summer. We are still I. Japanese rainy season. Or I might be tired from socializing.

Yesterday in the morning I was sleeping. After morning errands, I took a bath putting special bath salt , so I felt like to take a hot spring. Then I slept. After I had late lunch alone (Yuki went playing golf all the day), then read a book.

I also practiced the piano. Yesterday a student came to practice the piano. (I have still one piano strident)

Then Yuki and had dinner. It was take-out cutlet bowl. I took  a hot spring-like bath again. And I went to bed. 

Today, anyway I am going to the gym to do 15 minute exercise. 

Good morning 0710

 

Today, I made potato and cucumber salad with mayonnaise, though I just sliced a cucumber.

Last night we went to a “Izakaya”. “Izakaya” is a Japanese style pub. Why? Yuki wanted to drink out. Since he retired and corona pandemic finished, he has had no (?) chance to drink out with someone. Actually two of us once went an Izakaya, it was not so fun for me. I don’t drink, so at that time I just ordered oolong tea .

This time “my” friend asked us to join her drink mates at a Izakaya. Yukik’s aim is to drink out. My aim? is to talk with her mates. 

It was fun. But her drink mates were considerate to him. And he drank lots, ( I think, but it seemed to be the same with the others) though his excuse was that he was considerate to the mates.

Since I and her knew each other, more than 30 years have passed. We are completely different, but we keep our friendship. Both of us say “ it is strange”. She become 70 this year, and she still works to drink out!

Good morning 0709

 

Though it is still in Japanese rainy season, it is hot and humid. When it rains, it rains heavily not drizzle. 

It is the day of my performance at Karaku cafe. I will put on summer clothes. Last month it was cold, so I was wearing thin sweater. 

Finally I changed clothes spring ones to summer ones. This time I could discard my old suits. 

Did I write it?

Yuki discard his M and L sized T-shirts and bought new Xl sized T-shirts. Without his illness, his belly is hanging out more because of aging. (Tennis and golf seem not to be effective to keep the figure)

 

We got the first goya from the neighbor. They have started green carten of goya.

The first goyas have already grown. They are still young. But there are many goyas. So they are thined out. We got some of them. (not some , too lots for us)

Good morning 0705

 

Today’s main is brand yogurt & cheese cake. Yesterday a friend came to bring them. She got them as a gift, but her husband doesn’t like cheese cake, and there are two members in her house. She asked me to share them. We love them. So she came and talked in the afternoon. 

Today I attend a haiku meeting. It is the time to study for me like school. (It means I always feel the tension there.)

Anyway I have to go out in an hour.

Good morning 0704

 

Yesterday I went to the eye clinic. It was the first time in a year. There, the doctor said “you have cataracts, but your glasses still work. You have enough eyesight with your glasses, so you don’t need any treatment yet”.

Here in Japan as of now people who are 70 or more can have cataract surgery with inexpensive price. Then people who are 75 or more than can take it with more inexpensive price. When my late-mother was 83 ( probably) had its one-day surgery. I was really surprised the price. It was almost the same as my roundtrip bullet train cost. (I think).

The doctor said another thing, “but, when you are 70, probably the service won’t be applied. It would be applied for people over 75”.

Well, I have no plan to have the surgery yet. But around me at least 4 women already had its surgery, though all of them are still in their 60’s. (To be correct, two of them become 70 this year.) 

Good morning 0703

 

It stoped rain. Yuki seems to go playing tennis as usual. I will go to eye clinic to eye drops. I think I constantly some clinic. It is more than Yuki goes to the hospital. Sometimes Yuki also go to the chiro in a row sometimes. Fortunately these days he doesn’t get a leg cramp. From the chiro side we seem go there in turn.

Fortunately in this season we have suitable rain in this area. So summer vegetables seem to grow well. I got Goya yesterday from our neighbor. I will make Goya-Champuru. I have to buy Tofu!

I walk to the nearby supermarket slowly as my walking exercise.

Additionally yesterday I got homemade Japanese plum juice from another friend. Yesterday I got many seasonal things! Lucky me!

Good morning 0702

 

My iPad is still working. It is working hard with a little capacity. It is more than 10 years old. 

While I hesitate to Muya new one, Yuki bought an iPod at a used shop. He uses iPod in his car to listen to music. His previous one was old like my iPad. The capacity is not so big, so he changed to another one which has more capacity. He “finally” (according to him ) found a suitable price and ability iPod at a used shop. The new one was about 9000yen. I don’t know it is suitable price or not. Anyway it is of course cheaper than latest iPod.

Today I am going to the gym. In the afternoon I am going to the chiro nearby to get a massage with my health insurance.  Y back pain seems to be worse than I expected., though I love massage so it is not troublesome to go there. I will walk there slowly. It is also a good light walking exercise.

lunch diary 0629

July has started.

Last week my friend droped by. We had lunch outside, then we had cake at home.

It was the first time in a few months to have fresh cream cake! MIYAZAKI mango is used. How luxulious!