I'm a Japanese housewife living in Japan. I'm in my 60's. I want to know daily lives in the world, so at first I'll tell my daily. What is your daily life?
After all these cloudy or rainy days we finally have a sunny day. But it looks like it’s going to rain again tomorrow.
As soon as we got up this morning, we aired out our futon, and the washing machine is already on its second load. I can finally wash the sheets! This will probably be the last time we use the summer sheets this year, so I’m planning to switch to the autumn ones today.
Apparently, this September has had the fewest hours of sunshine we’ve ever had compared with other years.
Anyway, I’m fine that I can start this week by getting some work done around the house first thing in the morning.
It has been raining day after day, so I’ve been drying our laundry indoors. I’ve been using our old dehumidifier on the “clothes drying” setting, but, hmm... it doesn’t seem to be doing a very good job.
The things that stay damp the longest are mostly cotton clothes. So I’ve also been ironing some of them while they’re still damp.
The cotton clothes I’m talking about are actually cotton T-shirts that Yuki wears both as underwear and as pajamas. This summer, we switched them to polyester because they were easy to wear and looked pretty good. But, oh dear... we had forgotten for a while that he has sensitive skin. He started getting a rash, so we quickly switched everything back to cotton.
We bought about ten of these cotton T-shirts, but they just won’t dry completely.
This morning, we went to a laundromat first thing and dried them there. But it’s funny—once we brought them home and the heat from the dryer wore off, they started absorbing moisture from the air again!
So, that’s how I’ve been spending my morning—running around doing this and that.
I don’t have any particular plans to go anywhere, but this weather makes me feel unsteady. Well, there’s not much point in complaining about the weather, I suppose.
In a way, this might be perfect weather for housecleaning. But I can’t clean the outside of the windows because I never know when it’s going to rain. That’s a shame, especially since I’m renting that window-cleaning robot.
So I thought, “Okay, then. I’ll clean just one shelf of the refrigerator.”
I took everything out and removed the shelf, but then I discovered... something had apparently been spilled way at the back inside the refrigerator, and there was some sticky, dried-on mess.
Wiping it with a cloth wasn’t enough at all. I scraped off as much as I could with a little spatula, and then used hot water, an old toothbrush, and even a toothpick to get the rest out.
Even I managed to get it done somehow...
Since I only cleaned one shelf, I have no idea what the other parts of the refrigerator are like. But well, that’s enough for today.
Oh dear, it’s already lunchtime!
Maybe cleaning the refrigerator somehow switched my autonomic nervous system back on? I feel a little better now.
But maybe I’ll take a nap this afternoon.
I wonder which comes first: will there come a time when I stop caring about things like this, or will there come a time when I can no longer do them?
Our elder daughter has been awarded a scholarship and will be able to spend three months in Germany. She seems to be planning to visit several paper studios and workshops there.
She has already had opportunities to go abroad through scholarships or invitations—to the U.S., Mexico, Thailand, and Senegal. And this time, she’ll be going to Europe. I think this will be a great opportunity for her career.
When I first started writing this English diary, our elder daughter had just entered an art university. When she graduated, she had decided to become an artist working with paper. At the time, we were quite worried and often wondered, “Will she be able to make a living as an artist?” Actually, some readers of this blog felt the same way.
Well, she is still working as an artist. I don’t know what the future holds, but somehow she has managed to keep going and make a living from her work.
She will be in Germany from July to September next year.
Our younger daughter, meanwhile, will be moving to France next March and staying there for about two and a half years because of her husband’s job. Our younger daughter lived in Thailand for three years, until three years ago.
I never imagined that both of our daughters would have so many opportunities to live and work abroad. We’re really proud of them, and we’re very happy for them.
But, to be honest, I have mixed feelings.
From next year on, neither of our daughters will be nearby. We don’t know what next year will bring, and I can’t help feeling anxious about it.
Of course, I want them to take advantage of these wonderful opportunities. I’m truly happy for them, but at the same time, knowing that they won’t be close by makes me feel a little uneasy.
I suppose I should be saying, “Yay! Everything is nice and clean!” and be happy about it. But this is me, Mieko, and I can’t help complaining a little: “Wow, that cost quite a lot,” and “I guess we can’t do these things ourselves anymore.”
The fluorescent lights have been replaced with LED lights, but they look exactly the same as before. The other rooms still have fluorescent lights, too. This time, we replaced two of them.
The washing machine is nice and clean after being taken apart and professionally cleaned. But the cleaning company recommended having it done once every two years to keep it in good condition.
It’s becoming more expensive than I expected to keep living comfortably in this house and keep it up to date, at least until we (I) eventually move into a care home.
I have considered moving to a smaller house, but given how convenient this current area is, that doesn’t seem very realistic in this regional city.
So, even though I’m happy that everything is nice and clean, I can’t help letting out a little sigh.
By the way, Yuki’s large Mac is acting up again. We’re going to take it to a repair shop. We spent more than 50,000 yen fixing it this winter, though…
It’s raining now. However, two men are coming to our house today.
One is a professional cleaner who specializes in taking washing machines apart and cleaning them thoroughly. The other is an electrician who is going to replace the fluorescent lights in our ceiling with LED lights.
Apparently, fluorescent light bulbs will no longer be manufactured in Japan after this fiscal year, so the switch to LED lighting is well underway.
We used to replace the ceiling lights ourselves, but we can’t manage it anymore, so we asked a local electrician to do it for us.
The cleaner also lives nearby. And, amazingly, the two men went to the same elementary and junior high schools and were classmates!
The rental fee is ¥1,400 a month, and there’s no cancellation fee if I keep it for at least three months.
So, let’s see if this can solve the problem of how to clean our windows this year!
My husband can’t handle anything that requires reaching high places, and I’ve been having problems with my neck and shoulders, so I thought this might be a good idea.
We’ve decided that we’ll just give up on the areas that this robot can’t clean.
We chose not to pursue any further treatment, so Yuki passed on the last round of chemotherapy covered by his insurance. Yesterday was his first follow-up visit to the hospital since then.
As expected, the cancer has progressed a little. But he is fine. He is enjoying his music activities.
The numbness won’t improve, but the doctor prescribed medication to help prevent it from getting worse.
For now, we’ll go to the hospital about once a month.
After discussing it with his doctor, we’ve also decided to start home-visit nursing care. I guess a nurse who visits us will check on his condition about once a month. Knowing that we can contact them 24 hours a day is very reassuring.
we had arranged for Yuki to be assessed for long-term care early on, and he was certified as needing Level 1 care, so that I feel like things are moving forward in a timely way.
At the same time, it’s a strange feeling, because all of this is based on the assumption that his condition will get worse. It’s hard to know how to feel about that.
I’m filled with anxiety about how his condition will change from now on and what lies ahead.
But perhaps that’s exactly why I’m so grateful for the support we can get from people outside our family.
◆In what ways can opposition be helpful to a person?
That’s a difficult question, so I can only give a general answer.
When you are discussing something and trying to decide what to do, it’s important to hear opposing opinions because they help you look at the issue from different angles.
If I think about it more specifically,
Opposition can make you think more carefully.
It can help you find weaknesses in your ideas.
It can help you improve your ideas.
It can help you understand other people's perspectives.
It can prevent you from making a bad decision.
◆Are you a very competitive person? What things do you like to compete in?
Do I seem like a competitive person to you?
I used to be competitive. Anyway, I hated losing. It’s not that I didn’t care about winning. I did want to win, but I hated losing even more. So I tended not to take on things when I already knew I was likely to lose. Even now, I don’t like games where there has to be a winner and a loser.
◆How do you usually react if people disagree with an idea or thought that you have?
When you say “usually,” let me answer as a woman in her 60s.
As we get older and gain more experience, the way we respond changes.
When someone disagrees with me, I first think about how important my opinion is in the discussion. If I need to stick to my opinion or I have to take action myself, I try to think more carefully about what they are saying. But if it’s not that important, I’ll just back down and move on.
◆Do you ever have to compete against others at school or at work?
Now I’m retired, and there are only two of us here—my husband and me. So I seldom have to compete against others. But I used to compete at school, at work, and even at home.
by Yuki
◆When was the last time you had an argument? What happened?
Though my mother has already passed away, the last serious argument I had was when she was sick. I had to discuss her care with my brothers. It wasn’t a very friendly discussion. At that time, my brother was the main person taking care of my mother, so I decided to step back and let him have his way.
◆Have you ever ended a friendship with a person because you had opposing ideas?
Unfortunately, yes. It’s happened several times, and I still remember every one of them clearly. What’s more, when I think about it, the pattern is always the same. I become closer to someone and start to believe that this person really understands me and understands the way I think I get too confident about that, and eventually, the friendship falls apart. You’d think I would have learned by now!
Last night, the owner of Café KARAKU called me to let me know that some items had been sold. All the clothes were sold, and Yuki’s fishing gear was sold, too.
Unfortunately, though, the books, which are the main reason we’re doing this, are still there.
Monday has started. In the morning, we’re going to the clinic as usual. Then, in the evening, we’re going to KARAKU Cafe with the things we want to let go of.
They’ve kindly offered us a corner of the cafe where we can display the things we no longer need, and customers can take whatever they need.
We have to arrange everything ourselves, so the key is whether we can set things up in a stylish and attractive way.
Yesterday, two young friends came to my house. I handed over all the props I had used for my picture-book activities.
They were originally props for my English picture-book activities, but of course, they can also be used for reading Japanese picture books. They can still be useful at this point.
The props themselves gradually wear out, and new picture books keep coming out, so eventually the props may no longer work for the books being used.
I finally decided that it was time to let them go while there are still people who want to use them. It took me a long time to make up my mind, but I’m glad I finally did.
What a pain! My right neck and shoulder have been hurting since yesterday morning, though my right shoulder has been hurting since this winter. So I put on a pain-relief patch and carried on with my day. But the pain got worse, so I went to an orthopedic clinic.
They gave me an IV painkiller and told me that wearing a neck brace might make things a little more comfortable. They gave me a simple neck brace to wear.
I don’t know why the pain got worse. I guess the shoulder pain has now spread to my neck. The pain is much better this morning, but it still hurts when I move my neck up and down. My left shoulder has started to hurt a little, too.
Oh, well. I guess I just have to learn to live with it and manage it as best I can.
You still have to wear a mask at hospitals in Japan.
I’d like to start the week on a refreshing note, but it’s so humid. It’s unusual for it to be this humid so early in the morning.
Today is my health checkup day. I’m not having breakfast, and I’ll leave home in about an hour. I’m also having a gynecological checkup this afternoon, so it’s going to be quite a busy day. It’s a health checkup organized by the city, so I guess that’s what you get.
I wonder where we should eat—an early lunch or a late breakfast?
This week, our care manager is coming, and our bodywork therapist is coming, too. Thanks to long-term care insurance, it’s nice to have people coming and going .
Yesterday afternoon, Yuki was at a jazz café for a jam session. Coincidentally, one of my gym friends came over to my house, so we spent the afternoon just chatting and taking it easy. She has made some of my kimonos into clothes and bags for me.
We spent a really relaxed afternoon, chatting aimlessly and saying to each other, “We’re really just lazing around, aren’t we?” It was nice to spend such a leisurely afternoon together.
Today, Yuki and I are going to a nearby temple where I have been attending a sutra-copying group. We don’t belong to a particular religion, but we follow Buddhist customs for traditional ceremonies, so we are going there to talk about what we should do in the future. We are not planning to build a family grave.
I happened to learn about the sutra-copying group when I was out walking, and although I am not a member of the temple, they kindly let me join. I have been going ever since. Perhaps this, too, is some kind of fate.
The Obon holidays are over, and our daily routine has returned to normal.
It’s Wednesday today. This morning, we are going to the bank and the clinic. In the afternoon, Yuki is going to get a massage. Do you know “ashitsubo massage”? It’s a kind of foot massage, but it’s a little different. It focuses on the acupressure points on the soles of the feet, which are pressed firmly with the thumb.
I hope it will help improve his numbness, even just a little, although it seems difficult. Of course, it isn’t covered by public health insurance, but it seems to be a nice change of pace for him, so I think it’s worth it. He usually gets a one-hour treatment. Today, though, he is getting an extra 30 minutes, and I’m going to take advantage of that and get the extra 30 minutes myself!
We are also going through our documents and paperwork again and reviewing everything. As part of that process, we are going to the bank today to organize our bank accounts.
Today is the anniversary of the end of World War II in Japan. In August, the media is filled with stories and programs related to the war. This morning, I heard an interesting program on the radio.
In Germany, it seems that January 27, rather than the anniversary of the end of the war, is considered a more important day of remembrance. It is the day the Auschwitz extermination camp was liberated by the Allied forces.January 30 is also an important day in Germany. It marks the day Hitler came to power.
The idea is, apparently, to make sure that Germany never forgets its role as the aggressor.
On Wednesday, we went to the hospital to apply for genomic testing. Surprisingly, the blood sample will be sent all the way to the United States. We should get the results by the end of next month. In Yuki’s case, we were told that the chances of finding an actionable genetic abnormality are “very low,” but we’re going to do whatever we can. We’re also grateful that this test is covered by our health insurance.
It’s right in the middle of the Obon holiday now, but unfortunately, it’s been raining. Well, even if it were hot, I would probably be saying, “It’s just too hot,” and staying quietly at home anyway. Actually, perhaps because I’m worn out from the heat, I’ve been spending a lot of time lying down and sleeping.
Oh, on Tuesday, I played at Karaku Cafe.
Meanwhile, Yuki continues to go to the Jazz Cafe regularly, even during the Obon holiday, and plays whenever he feels like it. I’m glad that he can still enjoy his music in his own way.
This Sunday, we’re going to make a few changes to our mobile phone plans. Little by little, we’ve started to think about the future and what life might be like for me on my own someday. We’ve also started reviewing our respective ending notes.
Unfortunately, they were not able to get enough tissue from the biopsy this time. Next Wednesday, we will meet with the oncologist to discuss having another test done using a blood sample.
Yesterday, Yuki officially “declared” that he would receive no further treatment. We have entered a new phase.
Our doctor also told us, “From now on, you will have to choose between being hospitalized and receiving medical care at home, so you should talk about it together.”
The possibility of Yuki leaving this world, and of caring for him until the end, has become more real to both of us.
To be honest, we are both feeling pretty down right now. But we know that it is important to keep our everyday life going. For now, the washing machine is doing its job, washing our sheets for us.
My husband Yuki and I live in a regional city. Our retirement life has state since 2020. Though Something good, exciting, worried or bad often happens, we try to focus the current situation and spend enjoyable days while living offf our savings little by little carefully.
