Good morning 0727

 

It is hot and humid. 

My mother’s situation has changed. Her back has hurted again. Most of time she is in the bed. Yesterday she didn’t go to daycare center. What I can do is to talk with her through my daughter’s video phone. Her caregivers are thinking what is the best way to her. 

I thought I should have gone seeing her today, but I didn’t. I will send some money to my daughter to buy and deliver her favorite meals constantly for a while.  My mother doesn’t eat them a lot, it is all right. The important thing is she enjoys different meals every day. And my daughter eats the rest of them.

Good morning 0726 “troubleshooter 0723”

 I tried translating another article continuing from yesterday. There are many problems about nursing. This article tells us a problme of them.

Troubleshooter 

"My family is fully stretched nursing our father on our own. We have reached our limit."

I’m in my late 50s and a housewife. My husband and I live with my parents. My mother who is in her 80s and I nurse my father who is also in his 80s. My mother has insisted on nursing her husband no matter what. I’m the eldest daughter, my younger sister lives far.

My father has dementia, and his weight is more than 70kg. So it is hard for him to move his body by himself. He often falls down recently. 

The other day he fell down when my husband and I were out. It was a little bit far from home. My mother called me for help. I told my mother to ask help from our neighbors. But she refused because she didn’t want her husband to be seen by others. So, my husband and I went back home, it took 2 hours.

The situation is getting worse.  Though he uses diapers, these days sometimes they don’t work well, sometimes his bed gets dirty with feces. I proposed her to use official elderly nursing service, let him go to an elderly day care center and take a bath there at least once a week. However, she said “if you act like we are getting in your way, I would rather die with my husband”

I don’t work, but I’m not able to stay home all the time. What should I do?

Advicer 

At first please show my answer to your mother.

I don’t know your mother’s name, so let me call her Ms.A.

Ms. A, please let your husband go to an elderly day care center twice or three times a week. And please accept helpers or caregivers in your house. It is not humiliating in present time to get help from others especially professional caregivers. We are entitled to receive official services using our nursing insurance. It makes your husband comfortable and less burden for you and your daughter. 

Probably you sometimes see or hear the news about murders due to caregiver fatigue. Most of them, they occurred in the families who didn’t get professional caregiver services and administrative services.

Your daughter is in her late 50s, not so young. You and her is getting older. Nursing your husband with your family is close to limit considering your physical power and mental power.

Please don’t depend only your daughter who is not that young anymore. Please accept others, such as professional helpers and caregivers. Please use elderly nursing centers. If you continue this life, your family might be destroyed.

Today we are going t go to some homecenters to get some materials for our duagter's new work.

Good morning 0725 “troubleshooter 0722”

 This article reminded me the day "when I used to talke to my mother on the phone. At that time I made a call to my mother as my duty. Now it has got a nostalgic memory with my mother.

"My mother only complains and brags about herself on the phone to me"

I’m in my 60s, a part-time worker. My mother is in her 80s, lives alone in her hometown. She has been working since she was young. As of now, she works part time washing dishes five times a week.

For these years, I almost call her every night to make sure whether she is fine or not. Sometimes talking with her is fun. But recently she talks my ear off. Most of the time she is complaining or bragging about herself. It is a pain.

My parents didn’t get along well. Since they lived separately when I was in junior high school, my father had taken care of me. I didn’t like her because she used to tease me saying “you look like your father”. Since my father passed away, my mother and I have kept a good relationship. However, these days I sometimes remember the feeling which I used to have. I want to be considerate, spend time with my mother and consider each other equal. What should I do?

Advicer

At first, I think the relationship between you and your mother is very nice, though you are always worried. From other people’s point of view, your relationship is wonderful. 

You don't know what you've got till it's gone. I understand you sometimes dislike her when she talks your ear off.

It might be a pain when you remember your bad feelings for her in the past. And it is more important now for you to spend time for things you want to do. However, such days talking with your mother will become nostalgic someday. 

You might know it, so you struggle with your feelings. You try to find the way how to be considerate, share the time together, and keep equality. My answer is to be more considerate. Michael A. Slote who is a professor of ethics calls it “mature empathy”. It is completely different from sympathy which is considering others from the point of view of yourself.

The important thing is to be considerate to the other person from his or her point of view. It is “mature empathy”. If you can, you won’t feel that you have to endure listening to her. It is the mature attitude.

The problems about relationship can be solved when the person who wants to try to solve becomes more mature and be more adult.

It has alreday got hot.

scorching summer has started.

 

Japanese rainy season finished. Real summer has started. 

Last year it was scorching. This year it will get scorching more.  Can “I” survive? 

Anyway today both of us go to get a haircut. 

Lunch diary 0722 short version

 

Last Sunday we were already in the train. Calm Sunday. I’ve already got three fresh bitter “ Goya “ from the next door. How do I cook them?

Hakone POLA museum -3- one day trip short version

 This time , I have updated the last one about our trip to Hakone.

This weekend rainy season seems to finish. Today it is cloudy so less hot than yesterday. 

Hakone POLA museum -2- long version

 This time I have updated long version. In this youtube, I introduced my daughter’s explanation about her work. She got the idea of this work from her grandmother’s (my mother’s) daily life who has dementia.

I am happy if you share this one or the short one share to your friends. These ones are not official.I translated her explanation in English, so there must be many mistakes... sorry.

Today it is hot but less humid than yesterday. I should go to the gym.

Hakone POLA museum —1- short version

 I made YouTube videos introducing our one-day trip to Hakone POLA museum. When you are available, please check them. Today’s one is short version.

Today, I go to  cafe Karaku to talk to the master. Probably I will  go to the gym tomorrow.

Lunch diary 0715 short version

 Normal days have come back. In this month we have no special plan. We anyway should face to this heat.

The blueberries are the first ones of this season from our garden, this year unfortunafely the trees seem not to have lots of fruits. The okra are ones grown by my friend’s garden. Okra is one of popular vegetables as house garden vegetables 

Good morning 0717

A big exhibition has started at Pola museum in Hakone.  On the catalog our daughter is one of others. But anyway her work is displayed confidently. We think her work isn’t outdone by the famous artists’ works. (The crow thinks her own bird fairest.”) Yesterday we visited there. We also saw he talking with some famous artists there friendly. And thank to her we also could talked with them. Well we are not families with Japanese artist world, so we don’t know who is famous or not. So we talked with them as just a couple of parent. It means we didn’t talk about art. Our daughter said “your talking made the atmosphere calm and brought lots of new topic. Thanks”

Anyway it was a long trip to Hakone and it was not so inexpensive. 

 

Good morning 0714

 

Our elder daughter is now in Hakone. Anyway finally her work is introduced at a big museum. This plan was brought to her about two years ago, before the peak of corona pandemic. Then it got doubtful whether the exhibition was hold or not. But she continued making her work constantly. 

It is the last weekday of this week. I should go to the gym.

Good morning 0713

 

Compared with yesterday this morning it is not so hot but still humid.

Both of us said “I feel heavy.”

I think I feel heavier than Yuki because of lack of physical power. He says no one understand others’ pain. 

We go out for lunch to refresh. I feel “lethargic”.

It is correct way to use “lethargic”?

Good morning 0712

 

It is hot again today. 

Yuki seemed to get used to this heat. I am tired out from this heat. We plan to go Hakone by train this weekend. Do is need to keep my physical power instead of going to the gym?

Yuki said it is a wrong logic. 

Good morning 0711

 

It is hot today, too.  Today, it is my performance day at karakul cafe. Since last performance day a moth has already passed. Weather has completely changed. Fortunately or unfortunately some little things always happen. 

Anyway today I put on something fancy. 

Good morning 0710

 

It has already been hot here.

Japan’s Meteorological Agency has issued a heavy rain emergency warning for Fukuoka prefectures in the country’s southwestern. Since when? Such heavy rain attack to Japan. At Pola museum in Hakone a big exhibition will be hold in next week.  We will go there to see my daughter’s work , unfortunately her name isn’t on the catalog because she hasn’t bee so famous yet.

Lunch diary 0708 short version

 

A busy week has finished.

I did discarding 10 things yesterday as a usual weekend mission.

You see a mat which is covered and new. I will take it to a recycle shop. 

While discarding things, I check if they are trash or possible to sell. 

Good morning 0707

 

Yesterday it was a busy day. We left home early morning and came back at night. Thankfully our mothers are fine (alive) anyway.

Though I am very tired I will attend a haiku meeting today to refresh myself. However it is a really difficult lesson class, so I am not sure to refresh myself. Anyway my brain focus on haiku world.

Good morning 0705

 

This week we were not going to be busy, but our schedule might be changed.

Anyway we do what we schedule on the day. 

Today Yuki goes to golf. It is “must” according to him.

I will go to the gym as of now this morning I have nothing special as usual. In the afternoon I have a new online meeting and two lessons .

Good morning 0704

 

Last night we had really terrible thunders. Is it still rain season? I think summer has already come. 

Today’s our mission is going to the pension office to get some advice. 

Finally Yuki starts to receive his pension even though it is not still full. 

Good morning 0703

It is the first Monday in July. I changed sofa cove and carpets into summer version. Yesterday we washed and dried them in a laundromat nearby.

In July, a morning errand has been added. Weeding. I weed having a big bucket. I finish weeding of the day when the bucket is full.

Lunch diary 0701 short version

 

Last week, it started with having meat outside, and finished with having meat outside again

June has gone. July has come.

Today our sun in-law finally comes back. Probably he is now in Narita airport.  We are relieved because our borden to support his family ( our younger daughter and ground daughter) get lighter. 

(On the other hand our ground daughter won’t call us so much like before)

I am still making making sachets to share the fragrance of my lavenders in the garden. (Making them is one of the way to discard things. I am puttig away my collection of offcuts little by little)

Haga shrine short video

 

I made this short video and went to the gym yesterday. 

And in the afternoon a friend came. It was a really fulfilled day.

Today it doesn’t rain yet. But according to the weather report it is going to rain in an hour.

So Yuki’s tennis is cancelled. He asked me to go shopping together. So today I don’t go to the gym.

It is June 30th.  On today’s newspaper “minazuki” Japanese sweet is introduced. It is not so difficult to make it. It used to eat to celebrate(?) starting to the latter  half of e year. I might make it after shopping. I need to buy some ingredients.

Good morning 0629

 

Good morning. It is sunny, and it has already got hot. 

However our rainy season doesn’t finish yet according to Japan meteorological agency.

Did I weed yesterday?

No.

Suddenly we decided to go seeing hydrogen to a shrine where it takes 30minutes by car. So I made rice balls quickly, and we ate them while driving.

Later I will make short youtube about the shrine.

Later? In the morning of today? Which is better, going to the gym or making the youtube? In the afternoon a friend comes.

Good morning 0628

 

It is sunny. In the afternoon it will rain. 

If it doesn’t rain in the afternoon I will weed in the evening. Yesterday my neighbor weeded in front of his house. In the side of the road in front of my house there are weeds.

Good morning 0627

 

It’s sunny, but it will start rain all of a sudden like yesterday. 

I have already aired Futon. I need to take them in before going to the gym. Today’s my mission is going to the gym.

I started making small sachets with dried lavenders to share my friends.

Lunch diary 0624 short version

 

Monday has started. Herbs in the garden are growing, they are not weeds.

Good morning 0623

 

It is Friday. It is the last weekday of this week. I feel this week is longer than usual.It is “cold” for me today. The heater is “on”. 

Anyway yesterday I went to the gym. And I will go to the gym today again. 

This weather makes me depressed. 

Nowadays it is difficult for me to keep my emotion positive. Do I need to go out to eat something luxurious?

Good morning 0622

 

Yesterday I didn’t go to the gym. 

Because my friends coincidently come here in a row. 

When I was leaving home, my neighbor came. And we decided to have morning tea time in my house. So I changed my schedule of going to the gym. Then another friend called me if she could come here or not. So I said “no problem”. I prepared lunch and three of us including Yuki had lunch together. Then Yuki went fishing, we started chatting. Then another friend called me. In her case we had long talk on the phone. 

I was busy. 

So anyway I declare to go to the gym today.

Good morning 0621

 Yesterday I stayed home all the day. Visiting mothers made me very tired. Both of them are fine, but I really realize their lifespan. Considering their age it is only natural. And everyone experiences losing someone. 

Anyway today I go to the gym. It is what I should do. 

Good morning 0620

 

Yesterday we visit our mothers in Tokyo.

One month has passed since Yuki’s mother moved into a new nursing home. However She doesn’t seem to get used to the life there, though she is fine. She is in between independence and dependence.it seems to make her irritated and anxious. We hope she will get used to the life as soon as possible. 

We also saw our elder daughter. Thankfully she is busy in making her artwork. In July one of her work is displayed in a big art museum. In the half of this year we will go see her work to galleries once a month or every two month. 

Lunch diary short version 0617

 

This season I got lots of lavenders from the garden. I shared them with some friends, made the bouquets, and the tincture. Then I got this big vase from a friend.

Good morning 0616

 

Anyway it is sunny now. Yuki is going to play tennis. So I should go to the gym. 

Yesterday I talked with the stuff of the library. They told me to do English picture book reading meeting together. So probably in a few months I will do a volunteer activity again. Not soon, they said they should do some steps to resume such volunteer activity with local people at the official place. 

On the other hand we hear the number of people who are caught by corona virus. I know we don’t need to be afraid so much. However it seems to be strict again to visit elderly nursing home and regular hospital. 

Anyway next week we visit our mothers in a Tokyo, (My mother lives in her home so she doesn’t care this situation.)

Good morning 0615

 

Today I have a meeting with a stuff of the library. The other day they asked me if I could start volunteer reading at the library. 

Though I will talk with them, I don’t decided if I do it or not. Now I have no members to do with it. For these three days each daily life has changed. It is difficult to rearrange their schedule now. 

And also it must be hard to collect other members. 

Before corona pandemic, we used to do twice a month. Th Rome is on the third Tuesday and the other is on the third Sunday.

 I have decided not to do it on the Sundays. To tell the truth there were a few audience on third Tuesday reading meeting. It was a kind of member meeting. 

So if I do it alone, I might be only sitting and reading there for 30 minutes there because of any audience. 

It might be all right,I often go to the library to borrow some books. So reading there for 30 minutes is no problem for me. But I am tied up with the meeting once a month, or I have something to do once a month.

Good morning 0614

 

It is drizzling. We should to the city hall to submit a document. I want to go there in the morning. Yuki is wondering if he can play tennis today or not.

Yesterday I could perform at Karaku cafe with my friend happily. 

I wore pants which were made by my friend from my old kimono. They got a good reputation. I was also happy.

While I am writing now, rain seems to stop. Do we go out in the morning?

Good morning 0613

 

Today it is cloudy. So Yuki will be able to go to tennis, though it might start rain in the morning. 

He was asked to get some rice crackers at our favorite shop. He went there and kept in our house, he wants to give them to his friend as much as possible. I hope the friend will come to the tennis court.

Yesterday suddenly my on froze up. My pc is still three months old. So I called the pc center of my pc company and got some advise. The adviser asked me whether it I stole old version apps. I said “yes”, she said “they might be working , but they are not admitted to work on windows 11. In this case even they are not working, sometimes such situation(freezing) might occur”.

I need to buy two new version app, additionally when I changed the computer, we also changed a printer..

Good morning 0612

 

Monday has started. It is cloudy. Yuki is thinking whether he goes fishing or not. Without his active, I will go to the gym.  This afternoon a friend will come. 

This week I have some activities outside. When I am busy, I want to go to the gym, but when I have nothing special and stay home, I don’t go to the gym. It is funny, isn’t it?

lunch diary 0610 short version

 

It is raining. Both of us are staying home lazily. Probably in the afternoon Yuki will go somewhere tiring of staying home.

I am updating my blog sites, and browsing other sites. 

I've alreday discarding 10 things of this week. 

Good morning 0609

 

It is raining. Yuki stays home. I probably won’t go to the gym. Even though depends on the level of the rain, we might go out to a big supermarket. 

In the evening I am going to talk with my friends on zoom.

Can you see a triangle yellow cup. It is our new mayonnaise stand holder.

Good morning0608

 

Thankfully it is still sunny. Tomorrow it might be rain.

I started picking lavenders and making small bouquets . I handed them some friends  of my gym.

Our garden isn’t big, but thankfully I can enjoy with herbs in my garden especially in this season. 

Good morning 0607

 

Thankfully it is sunny today. According to the weather report rainy season will start from this weekend.

Constantly I have picked mulberries. It is difficult to take off their small stem, so we eat them together!  No problem.

 I finally took a kimono apart. A friend is going to change it into a casual dress. 

I took it apart, washed and ironed it.

A temple with lots of Japnese irises

 I made some Haiku using seasonal word "japanese iris". But I didn't see them directly with my eyes. So we went a temple to see them.

We could talk the monk of the temple. We really really enjoyed. He gave a bunch of Japanese iries.

lunch diary 0604

 

Last week we went out twice a little bit far away. Both of them were very nice places.

One of places was an old house. Without any historical information we went there. But we really enjoyed the nostalgic atomsphere.

Good morning 0603

 

In Kantou an Chuubu area they had heavy rain. Fortunately here I Tochigi, even it is in Kantou we had not so heavy rain. 

Well We don’t need to go out at night. So without any worry we stayed home. 

I soaked flowers of Dokudami I in alcohols to make tincture.

Many people consider Dokudami is weed. Actually I also struggle to weed Dokudami this season. They are easy to spread.

But they are also famous for medical Japanese herb. 

Dokudami petals being picked for tincture, one way of SDGs

Good morning 0602

It is raining. Yuki stays home. I am going to attend my haiku meeting.

Yesterday a music live house where Yuki used to perform there at night was reopen. The owner decided to open his restaurant even in the daytime as a cafe without live performance. So he has moved the near the station. Probably more businessmen will come to have lunch. On the first day a band did performance outside. It was a weekday, so unfortunately not so many people were there. But we could enjoy it.Two members of the band are Yuki’s friends.

 

Good morning 0601

 June has come. In this weekend it will be rainy season. 

Yuki’s ankle is not bad. He could play golf without problems yesterday. However today he is going not to go playing tennis to rest his ankle.

So, we will go shopping in the morning instead of my going to the gym. 

For ten days I haven’t my mother though I always wait for her calling  from 2:30 to 3:30.  It means she is all right. On the other hand I feel I don’t join her nursing.