Trouble shooter 1111

 There was an interesting advice column on the news paper. I translated it. 

 

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How should I nurse my mother in her 80’s?

I’m in my 60’s and a housewife. I want some advice about my mother. I live with my husband and my mother’s house is 100 km away. She is in her late 80’s and lives alone. But my elder brother’s house is next to hers. She is getting weak in her legs and back. So she calls me every day and asks me to come and help her.

I married my husband 30 years ago. We used to live with his parents. I nursed my mother in-law who was bedridden, and I also nursed my father in-law who got dementia. My husband is alcoholic because of his hard job. His relatives said “you came here to nurse your parents in-law”. So I nursed them until the end mostly by myself.

My elder brother got in a bike accident, and he is on a wheelchair since then. His wife thought that he got the accident because his mother asked him to do errands. So she hates my mother. They have broken off relations with my mother since then.

I’m suffering from depression, and hip joint disease due to nursing my parents-in-law. So I can’t nurse my mother. My husband says “your elder brother and his wife should nurse her”. What should I do? My mother told me she doesn’t want to live in a nursing home.

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The phrase “you came here to nurse your parents in-law” is too bad. It is an insensitive. They consider you just for house errands and nursing. They don’t treat you as a person. They ignore your personality. It is a really tough life, isn’t it? You do very well under such situation.

Now, you go to hospital because of your depression and your disease. You also support your husband who also needs to go to the hospital. You need to prioritize your health.

You should choose your way to live. Whatever choice you make, there might be something you will regret.

But you should make your own decision. If you are not being clear about your situation toward your mother, it is not good for her. Although you feel like it’s giving your mother the cold shoulder, you should honestly tell “I can’t nurse you”.

The key point is your elder brother and his wife. How about writing a letter to him? You should tell him correctly and concisely your situation; “I’m sick, I can’t nurse our mother and I won’t be able to nurse her in the future”. And ask him to contact to the local welfare office for elderly nursing.

After you finish doing that, you should forget about everything. I hope you will pursue your own happy life.